I am pretty grounded and I generally take things (good or bad) with a “go with the flow” type of attitude ~ but not lately. Not since I turned 60.
Over the course of my life I have experienced milestone birthdays and life events such as marriage or pregnancies where I was content to keep the excitement I felt inside and not outwardly express my feelings. Let me clarify, I am not stoned faced or without emotion, I am simply uncomfortable calling attention to myself. While others externally worried or rejoiced about the details of planning for a wedding or the birth of a child, or while others were anxious or apprehensive about entering a new decade of numbers on the birthday calendar I took it all in stride. Trust me, I have had “moments” but one could easily describe me as generally calm and collected. Knowing this about myself, it really surprises me that turning 60 is such a big deal in my life and it is definitely throwing me for a loop emotionally.
I realize a lot of people have met this milestone, not just me! What has been so difficult for me turning 60? When you get right down to it, I am afraid of growing older. For the first time in my life, I see my own immortality. I see myself on a definitive time line in which the quality of life has nowhere else to go but down, and that the road ahead will consist of more sadness than happiness. As I age I realize I will embark on a whole new set of challenges. Aging has to be more than this and I intend to find the joy and make peace.