Time Needs Time

“Sometimes you just have to give time, time.”

I have been reading the book God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours, written by Regina Brett. If you are struggling with forgiveness or emotional pain perhaps sharing/summarizing her words (in this post) will offer some peace and understanding.

In Lesson #30, the author, Regina, tells a poignant story of healing and forgiveness.  She begins by speaking of a series of retreats she attended once or twice a year for 26 years. Life had thrown her many curve balls and she was in dire need of emotional and mental healing primarily in regard to her father whom she no longer loved.

A woman, who also regularly attended these retreats, befriended Regina.  As a result, Regina became comfortable sharing and confiding her deepest pains with her. The lady would listen to Regina, make her laugh, give her advice and always ended the conversation with the words: Sometimes you “have to heal in layers and not all at once”…. “Sometimes you just have to give time, time.”

Version 3As the years passed, she recognized her level of healing had reached the point where she was ready to try to reconnect with her father. Although she had been able to finally work through her anger, her feelings of fear and insecurity made it difficult to make the first move.  As a result the gift of time kept ticking away as well as the opportunity to reconnect.

One day she received word her father was ill and had been given a few months to live. This crucial news provided the opportunity to confidently make the first move so she immediately went to be with him.  They both experienced a much desired and welcoming peace.  They shared memories and were filled with much joy just being together again. As she left that day her dad waved goodbye for what was to be the last time. Due to his illness he fell unconscious three days later.

She went to him again and was filled with compassion as she lovingly caressed his hands and was able to say “thanks”.  As she sat at his bedside she reflected on the grace God gave her. How He enabled her heart to fill with the love that had been absent for too long. How He enabled her to remember the good qualities and special moments shared with her father and not the painful times.  As she wrote his obituary she “was able to tell what a great guy he was.”  Regina stated, “For years she had put the magnifying glass on the pain, now she was able to put the magnifying glass on the gifts, and there were many.”

“Time needed time” to bring her to this incredible moment of love, compassion, and forgiveness.

I can appreciate the wisdom in these words and through the years I have experienced the truth in these words.  How about you?

14 thoughts on “Time Needs Time

  1. We have something of that sort going on now. Eldest brother is ill (not life threatening but serious enough to be put in a nursing home). He hasn’t been in the family for over 30 years. Everyone was thinking “what to do, what to do?” My other bro went to visit. It went fairly well until the end when the family bashing came out again. He’s 91 and still full of vile for perceived slights that may (or may not) have happened 60 or 70 years ago. Not sure when he will make peace with his life or when we will make peace with him.

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  2. I despair sometimes about family rifts, there are so many in ours at the moment. We tend to be the butt of everyone, we give they take, personally I could over look all these things but my hubby can’t. But reading your post gives me hope that all will work out one day 💜.

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  3. I like the “time takes time” thought. While there is no big rift, there are a lot of little ones in my hubby’s family. I’m learning to let go there. And I’m starting to process some of my own feelings (reading The Heroine’s Journey by Maureen Murdock) and I like the idea of taking my time with the emotions being raised. Thanks.

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  4. Healing does come in layers, and I have experienced that first hand. I think it starts with forgiveness, but even that can come years before actual healing takes place. Time can make things better, or worse, it all depends on your attitude and level of participation with regard to the process. Thoughtful post.

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