Regret?

It is one thing to regret something you did or something you said that you probably shouldn’t have.

But what about something you should have done ~ but didn’t?

I am not referring to the failed opportunities you were given when you could not quite hit the mark.

Or the countless times you heard “No”.

At least you put yourself out there and in the end, it just might have made you a stronger, better person. No need to feel regret in these circumstances.

I am referring to the opportunity you did not take, or a relationship you did not nurture, or not realizing just how beautiful you really are.

One of my regrets is an opportunity I did not take.

I wish I had told my parents how much I appreciated them.  I wish I could have said thank you for the great life they gave me.

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My parents when they were courting!

Towards the end of my parents’ lives, I began to think about the things I longed to say to them. For example, how much I appreciated their encouragement and support with decisions I made from deciding to get bangs cut when I was a preteen to raising my children as a young mother.

Their strong faith, deep love for each other, and a shared sense of humor filled me with admiration. I wish they had known how proud I was to introduce them to my friends!

I fondly recall many moments of joyous teasing, conversations around the dinner table, and listening to my dad telling jokes. Everyone loved them and was drawn to their gentle and humble natures.

One day, a few years before they died, I decided I would go over to their house and let my heart talk.  But as I sat there I found myself getting “choked up” just “thinking” about the words I wanted to say.

I knew my voice would crack with emotion and the tears would stream down my face as I struggled to get the words out.  I was worried it would upset them to see me cry.  Would they interrupt me and say they did what they did because they loved me, and my thanks was not necessary forcing me to stop before I was finished? If I actually could speak clearly, would I remember every single thing I wanted to say?

Unfortunately, I concerned myself with these obstacles for so long that I ran out of time.

I know how much they would have appreciated those words of love and thanks.  What parent wouldn’t?

I did get the opportunity to say a few things to my mom as she lay dying, but I am not sure if she even heard or understood. I would like to think she did.

I know they knew I loved them.  We said those words often to each other.

I just hope they knew how very much.

Now my question is, who else do I long to say the words I keep in my heart?  There are quite a few and I intend to get started.

“I didn’t get to tell him all the things I had to say…..
I just wish I could have told him in the living years”   – Songwriters: B.A. Robertson / Mike Rutherford (gb)  Mike & the Mechanics, 1988